There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
