I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
