She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
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