to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
