OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
