Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
