I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Enjoy the penises
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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