i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
