I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
