Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
