Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
nutella sex= disaster
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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