So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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