i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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