your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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