at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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