She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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