I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
