Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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