Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
