so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
