I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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