this beer tastes like vomit already
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
