Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
