wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
