So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
