please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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