READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
