I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
It's just like the Real World with babies
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
