im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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