he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
