Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
