I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
