sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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