two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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