when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
