NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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