actually, I'm a sock model
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
