I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
