I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
