dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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