I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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