if you like me you must not know who I am
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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