You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
