just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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