nut hugger
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
