You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
