You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
