its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
