Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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