I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
