K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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