how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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