i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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