your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
