Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Randomize
